Parenting Part Three: Helicopter Parents

It's been awhile since I last wrote. I have moved 300 miles to the northeast of Texas. My lovely wife and I have been busily getting a new old house in order. For the first time in 56 years I did not have to spend the summer thinking about going back to school. No inservices, no curriculum planning etc. Today would have been the first day for teachers to go back to school in my old district so I think I am officially retired. The past few months have just been summer vacation.

Have you ever had a parent who likens themselves to a helicopter pilot? Swooping down everytime their little Johhny or Barby has a problem. Waiting at your classroom door before you even get your morning coffee. Emailing you everytime they get a whiff of a problem with their child. Phoning you either at school or at home when their child gets a low grade or a bad test score. Happened to me all the time. Remember for the past 11 years I have been dealing with gifted kids and for every gifted kid there seems to be at least one worried parent.

What do they worry about? Is this a good behaviour for their child to witness? What can you do about it as an educator?

The answer to the first question is that most of their worry is about academic achievement. Parents whether it is in sports or in education often live their lives through their children. They worry that their child is not going to live up to their expectations.They are concerned about class rank, keeping up with the academic competition and their child's academic progress. They go so far as to get overly involved in the school-serving on PTA, becoming a PAL, volunteering for every field trip, signing on as a substitute teacher etc.Any reason to enter the school. Now I'm not condenming this kind of behaviour. I like parents being involved in the school. As stated in other parts of this blog it's a good thing to have a healthy balance between parents, teachers and students. Helicoptering is just not healthy. It's that I question their motivation sometimes. Most of your children don't appreciate your hovering over them all the time.

This brings me to the second question. The answer is 'no', it is not good behaviour for a child to witness. As stated above the children don't always want their parents to intercede. The downside of this behaviour is that sometimes the children get to expect it from their parents and they NEVER are trained to solve their own problems.They begin to rely too much on Mommy or Daddy interfering. I am so fortunate to have raised a daughter who told me, "Dad, I can solve this problem myself, I'll take care of it on my own". I can't remember ever interfering in her school problems. I helped her at home and sent her on her way. She went to college with an indepedence that often amazed me.

The final question is an easy one. Parents need to be taught and counseled on this 'helicoptering'. I remember sitting down with the 'pilot mom' who always was hovering and telling her that 'tough love' is sometimes the best. Let her son work out his own problems. Let him FAIL sometimes. That was a tough one for her to swollow. Sometimes you have to do it parents.It's how they learn. That young man turned out to be a awesome high school student who by achieving his ' independence' was able to learn how to solve problems on his own. Goal setting is another option. Teach the child to set goals and be responsible for their own academic progress.

Finally, students teach your parents to let you go. Train them to recognize that you want to be responsible for your own works and your own actions. With this accomplished the skies will not be crowded with helicopters manned by parents who are just waiting to swoop down. If I ran the schools the helicopters would all be grounded.